Tag Archive: The Bachelorette

Aug 05

The Bachelorette Finale: Desiree Gets Her Fairytale Proposal – I Give It Four Months

Photo courtesy of ABC

To start the night off, Chris Harrison recapped the first half of the finale succinctly: “Desiree gave her heart completely to someone who didn’t love her back…Desiree was left…virtually hopeless.”  Nice setup, ABC.  Real nice.

We pick up where we left off last Monday – with Desiree crying in Antigua to a sad music soundtrack.  *cue the violins*  Des changes out of her heinous outfit into a maxi dress for the obligatory “where do we go from here?” chat with Chris Harrison.  Chris Harrison asks how she is and she says OK, but he calls bullshit and she dissolves into a puddle of tears on the porch, sobbing that she just wants to go home.

Jul 30

The Bachelorette Finale Part 1: Really? Is Part 2 Necessary?

Rip the Band-Aid, Brooks. JUST RIP THE BAND-AID!!!!!!!! Photo courtesy of ABC

“This journey has been amazing!”  Desiree gushes at the beginning of the episode.  So naturally it’s going to be a giant cluster-you-know-what.  In case you weren’t clued in to this fact, Chris Harrison called the episode we were able to witness “shocking,” “incredible,” and “dramatic.”  And you know Chris Harrison doesn’t use those words lightly.

Jun 25

The Bachelorette: Des Takes the “Ultimate Risk” with a Bunch of Europe Virgins

Photo courtesy of ABC

This season’s been a little, um, bland.  Perhaps because Des is the “everywoman” who doesn’t really have a personality and the majority of the guys are either tattletales or giant tools.   Tonight, we learn that this is THE FIRST TIME Des (and several of the guys) has ever been to Europe, and we’re reminded of that fact no less than a half dozen times.  The guys arrive in Munich wearing their fanciest hoodies because that’s what you wear when you’re looking for love in a foreign land. Michael’s hoodie has the thickest drawstrings I’ve ever seen in my life.

May 27

The Bachelorette’s Back! (And Brought to You By Cinderella)

Photo courtesy of ABC

Photo courtesy of ABC

Desiree rolls up to her Malibu beach house and Chris Harrison is there to welcome her and gifts her with, not one, but TWO sketch pads.  (So, what, she’s an artist now?)  Cute baby pictures set the stage for this season – love and family are all Desiree desires.  Hers is a Cinderella story, you see. And she makes reference to Cinderella, and fairy tales, eight times in the first 15 minutes.  There’s also some discussion of a happy ending. #doubleentendresarefun  (We’ll get to the unnecessary hashtags in a moment.)

Jul 09

Why the Next Season of “The Bachelor” Needs to be at the Olive Garden

Everyone wonders why the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise has had ten bajillion seasons and only two marriages.  I think the answer is pretty simple.  You need to have a season at the Olive Garden.  I’m serious.  Take away the once-in-a-lifetime adventures, luxurious fantasy suites, hair and makeup teams, and outrageous clothing budgets and have the season take place in a mall.  They can bond over neverending soup or salad and breadsticks.  If it’s time for a guy to go, he’ll go to the soup bar and find the ladle is dry (literally and figuratively)– no soup for you!

Photo courtesy of ABC

Jul 02

The Bachelorette: A Playhouse to Die For and the Return of the Bachelorette Drinking Game

It was a freakin’ love-fest on this week’s episode of “The Bachelorette.”  Emily loved all the families.  The families loved Emily.  Three of the four guys told Emily they loved her (Sean held out, but he sure does love kissing her!)  She loved Chicago.  She loved Jef’s ranch (yes, his family has a ranch).  And on.  And on.  And on.  For another two hours.  Oy.

Honestly, between last week’s snoozefest and this week, I propose bringing back the Bachelorette Drinking Game.  Next week, pour your beverage of choice, sit back, and take a drink as follows:

May 21

The Bachelorette: A Rainbow Connection, the Love Clock that Wasn’t, and a Stalker-ish Letter

For tonight’s episode of the Bachelorette (did I mention it’s the 8th freakin’ season?) Chris Harrison had to break it down for the guys so they’d know what they signed up for: (1) there are 2 one-on-one dates up for grabs, (2) if you get a one-on-one, you must pack your bags because you might not get a rose/return to the house, (3) not everyone will get a date, (4) yada, yada, yada…  As if people don’t know the rules by now.

May 14

The Bachelorette: Ostrich Eggs, Boom Boxes, and an 11-year-old Is Getting His Ass Kicked Tomorrow

Welcome to the all-new, “dramatically different” season of the Bachelorette!  Um, not really, but nice try, ABC.  True, the show is filming in Emily’s hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina, but this isn’t the first time a single parent held the title role (Jason Mesnick, anyone?) This may be the first time that the child wasn’t shipped somewhere while mommy/daddy went lookin’ for love in a McMansion, but it’s not the first time ever.