Tag Archive: Emily Maynard

Jul 22

The Bachelorette Finale: It’s an Insta-Family! Just Add Water!

Photo courtesy of ABC

We’ve reached, according to Chris Harrison, “the most dramatic television event of the summer… One of the most dramatic finales in Bachelorette history.”  Well, that shouldn’t be too hard, since there have only been eight seasons total.  We were promised some “shocking secrets” (ahem, one, and, it’s not so shocking).

But this season isn’t like all the rest, according to Chris Harrison.  We’re treated to a three-hour live event, because every engagement should be televised and commented about by strangers in a theater-in-the-round setting.  One question – where’s the bullfighter?

Jul 16

The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All (Except What They’re Contractually Obligated Not to Discuss)

Photo courtesy of ABC

We’re at that point in season 8 of Bachelorette where Chris Harrison finally asks the guys “what the hell was wrong with you when you called Ricki baggage” and “are you that douche-y in real life?”  (The answers are: I’m just bein’ me and yes, respectively.)

Here are a few of my initial observations:

Holy spray tan, Batman!  It looked like quite a few of the rejects took a detour to the “Dancing with the Stars” set and made liberal use of the unlimited spray tan facilities.

Jul 09

Why the Next Season of “The Bachelor” Needs to be at the Olive Garden

Everyone wonders why the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise has had ten bajillion seasons and only two marriages.  I think the answer is pretty simple.  You need to have a season at the Olive Garden.  I’m serious.  Take away the once-in-a-lifetime adventures, luxurious fantasy suites, hair and makeup teams, and outrageous clothing budgets and have the season take place in a mall.  They can bond over neverending soup or salad and breadsticks.  If it’s time for a guy to go, he’ll go to the soup bar and find the ladle is dry (literally and figuratively)– no soup for you!

Photo courtesy of ABC

Jul 02

The Bachelorette: A Playhouse to Die For and the Return of the Bachelorette Drinking Game

It was a freakin’ love-fest on this week’s episode of “The Bachelorette.”  Emily loved all the families.  The families loved Emily.  Three of the four guys told Emily they loved her (Sean held out, but he sure does love kissing her!)  She loved Chicago.  She loved Jef’s ranch (yes, his family has a ranch).  And on.  And on.  And on.  For another two hours.  Oy.

Honestly, between last week’s snoozefest and this week, I propose bringing back the Bachelorette Drinking Game.  Next week, pour your beverage of choice, sit back, and take a drink as follows:

Jun 20

The Bachelorette: More Fake Traditions, Men in Kilts, and Croatia is ‘Cool as Hell’

Emily and the eight remaining guys spent the week in Dubrovnik, Croatia where master-of-the-obvious Jef made such enlightened statements as, “hey, that looks like a castle!” (while pointing to a castle) and “Croatia is the perfect place to fall in love.” (Yeah, tell that to the people who survived the siege of Dubronvik.) 

This week, the one-on-ones were awarded to nice guy/Ostrich egg-boy Travis and “I want a trophy wife” Ryan, who apparently were the boys in the bubble (but not in the John Travolta movie kind of way).  Emily has agonized over which guys are there for “the right reasons”, who has a “connection,” etc. (If you’re participating in the Bachelorette Drinking Game, go ahead and take a shot.  Only if you’re 21 and over, of course.)

Jun 11

The Bachelorette: Emily Finally Drops the F-Bomb, Ricki is a Chloe Bag and Shakespeare Rolls Over in His Grave

Photo courtesy of ABC

It’s finally here!  ABC has teased the hell out of it, essentially showing the entire thing in promos, but it’s here!  We’ve arrived at the week when Bachelorette Emily finally drops the F-Bomb and kicks a guy off the show.

First things first:  If you’re a guy and you think the other guys are on the show to be your friend, you’re an idiot.  They may be on the show for many reasons (finding love, their 15 minutes of fame, etc.), but making friends ain’t one of ‘em.  This whole Fratty McFrat situation has got to end.

Jun 04

The Bachelorette: The Bromance Continues…

This week on the Bachelorette, Em and her baker’s dozen headed to Bermuda for some fun in the sun!  If I didn’t know better and I happened to channel surf my way to ABC, I’d think I was watching a reality show about frat brothers on a super-lame spring break.  The guys rode scooters around their hotel and Sean and Ryan wore matching ELITE bracelets.  So precious!

May 28

The Bachelorette: The Guys Get Grilled, Alessandro the Delusional Gypsy King, and a Farewell to “Shelly”

It’s week three of the Bachelorette, and I need to get a few things off my chest before we get started.  Did anyone else think Travis and Charlie were the same person?  Seriously, we know nothing about their personalities, and it’s week three.  Also, why does Emily keep Michael around?  Maybe they like to braid each other’s hair?  I don’t get it.  And what is a Luxury Brand Consultant?  Someone who likes nice things?  Me too.  Done and done.

May 21

The Bachelorette: A Rainbow Connection, the Love Clock that Wasn’t, and a Stalker-ish Letter

For tonight’s episode of the Bachelorette (did I mention it’s the 8th freakin’ season?) Chris Harrison had to break it down for the guys so they’d know what they signed up for: (1) there are 2 one-on-one dates up for grabs, (2) if you get a one-on-one, you must pack your bags because you might not get a rose/return to the house, (3) not everyone will get a date, (4) yada, yada, yada…  As if people don’t know the rules by now.

May 14

The Bachelorette: Ostrich Eggs, Boom Boxes, and an 11-year-old Is Getting His Ass Kicked Tomorrow

Welcome to the all-new, “dramatically different” season of the Bachelorette!  Um, not really, but nice try, ABC.  True, the show is filming in Emily’s hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina, but this isn’t the first time a single parent held the title role (Jason Mesnick, anyone?) This may be the first time that the child wasn’t shipped somewhere while mommy/daddy went lookin’ for love in a McMansion, but it’s not the first time ever.