“This journey has been amazing!” Desiree gushes at the beginning of the episode. So naturally it’s going to be a giant cluster-you-know-what. In case you weren’t clued in to this fact, Chris Harrison called the episode we were able to witness “shocking,” “incredible,” and “dramatic.” And you know Chris Harrison doesn’t use those words lightly.
Tag Archive: Chris Harrison
It’s that time of the season again – where the rejects gather to “get closure” from the object of their affection after the world’s shortest love affair(s). (Didn’t we just do this two months ago with Sean?)
The group wakes up on Madeira Island, Portugal, which according to them is, the “hidden pearl in the Atlantic.” I desperately hope someone from the tourism bureau’s paying attention to the “Bachelorette,” because apparently the palm trees, island breezes, crystal blue waters and breathtaking rock formations don’t sell themselves. Promotional consideration must be exchanged, I say!
This week, there will be three 1-on-1 dates, and one 2-on-1 date. A rose will only be given out during the 2-on-1, and nobody goes home before the rose ceremony (unless they feel like it.)
The episode started with Des, sketchpad in hand, declaring that Barcelona is “so inspiring” and “the perfect place to fall in love.” (Kinda like Munich. And Thailand. And the Seychelles. And Paris. And Canada. And New Jersey, the list goes on and on.) Meanwhile, the hoodie brigade (seriously, between hoodies and v-neck short sleeve tees, that’s all they packed) enjoyed Cervezas at a tapas bar when Chris Harrison arrived with the date cards. There will be a group date and two 1-on-1 dates. At some point, the guys pinky swear that whomever gets the first 1-on-1 has to tell Des that James is campaigning HARD to be the next Bachelor. Drew’s the lucky winner, and he starts the date with zero intentions of telling her.
This season’s been a little, um, bland. Perhaps because Des is the “everywoman” who doesn’t really have a personality and the majority of the guys are either tattletales or giant tools. Tonight, we learn that this is THE FIRST TIME Des (and several of the guys) has ever been to Europe, and we’re reminded of that fact no less than a half dozen times. The guys arrive in Munich wearing their fanciest hoodies because that’s what you wear when you’re looking for love in a foreign land. Michael’s hoodie has the thickest drawstrings I’ve ever seen in my life.
We didn’t waste any time getting to the first group date, mysteriously titled “Love is a Battlefield” on the date card. (Hear that, Pat Benatar?) The guys are greeted in a warehouse by the Commissioner of the National Dodgeball League (yes, it’s a real thing), where the pros WHIP the balls at all the guys. It’s actually pretty funny to watch. Desiree can barely contain her excitement, as she looks forward to the thrill of the competition and the guys fighting for her honor. Really? I don’t think the dodgeball guys gave two hoots about them, or Des, as there wasn’t even a glimmer of recognition of the show amongst them. (We’re here to PLAY, man!)
Desiree rolls up to her Malibu beach house and Chris Harrison is there to welcome her and gifts her with, not one, but TWO sketch pads. (So, what, she’s an artist now?) Cute baby pictures set the stage for this season – love and family are all Desiree desires. Hers is a Cinderella story, you see. And she makes reference to Cinderella, and fairy tales, eight times in the first 15 minutes. There’s also some discussion of a happy ending. #doubleentendresarefun (We’ll get to the unnecessary hashtags in a moment.)
On the season finale of the Bachelor, Sean makes everyone cry: Catherine, Lindsay, himself… even his mother.
The three hour “Bachelor Finale Event” kicked off with a live studio audience and Chris Harrison, breathlessly reporting “late breaking” news about Sean’s quest for love. Really, ABC? How can it be breaking if it wrapped several months ago?
Sean arrives in Thailand with his lady loves and his family, who provide absolutely no assistance whatsoever in helping him choose his final lady. Honestly, I have no idea why they shipped the two kids to Thailand on what had to be a ridiculously long flight. The best line of the night, however, goes to Sean’s nephew (a/k/a the kid with the super fancy playhouse), who reminded Sean, “Emily didn’t pick you!” Hilarious.
Pack your bags, the group is going on a world-wide journey to find love and it starts in…Montana?!? Really? Yep. The date cards come and there are three dates: one group date, a 1-on-1 and a 2-on 1, all featuring Sean the self-proclaimed “outdoorsy guy.” Be sure to check yourself for ticks.
Tierra says she should get the 1-on-1 because “she deserves it.” What she “deserves” is a good ass-kicking. So irritating. Tough luck, Tierra, cuz substitute teacher Lindsay got it instead. Sean packed an extra flannel and Henley and they rode in a “badass” helicopter to tour Glacier National Park.
Important things are happening on the Bachelor, y’all! Like, world records are being SHATTERED. This is serious stuff, people.
The episode begins with a shirtless Sean working out shirtless in his private shirtless gym. ABC clearly knows which side its bread is buttered on! Sean’s “digging a lot of women” and can’t wait for the two one-on-one dates and the group date. Not everyone’s getting a date this week, so you know there will be drama among the ladies.
Spunky Robyn dreams about receiving the date card, telling producers, “I want the date card to say ‘Robyn, Let’s ditch these bitches and go fall in love for real.’” Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.