Tag Archive: Bachelor

Mar 04

Bachelor: The Women Tell All (Except for What They’re Contractually Obligated Not to Discuss.)

Photo courtesy of ABC

Well, Bachelor fans, it’s that time. The week before the final episode, where all our burning questions are (not) answered.  Here’s what I want to know: what is a “born again virgin?” and where’s this Mystery Man to whom Tierra’s engaged (and how can we warn him)?  If he has eyes and a television that made the digital transition in 2009, then he should know what he’s getting into.

 

Here are a few of my observations from the show:

  • There were no new shirtless shots of Sean. (Say that three times fast)

Feb 25

Bachelor Week 8: It’s the Overnight Dates in Thailand Where…Nothing Happens.

Photo courtesy of ABC

Not sure what’s in the water but everyone loves them some Sean! All of the women are saying they are either falling or are already in love with the Bachelor.  At the beginning of the episode, Sean sees himself building a life with each of the women. He calls Catherine “weird, nerdy and goofy” but says that’s what he’s into.  (The ultimate compliment!) “I need more silly in my life,” said the guy who went on reality TV to meet his future wife.

Feb 18

Bachelor Week 7: Family Dinners Are Gonna Be Awkward at Des’ House

Photo courtesy of ABC

It’s hometown week, where the Bachelor spends a day getting to know the hometowns and families of his four ladyloves.

First up is AshLee in Houston, Texas, whose date was sponsored by L.L. Bean. Seriously, she and Sean sported plaid shirts straight out of the catalog, pages 14 and 39, respectively.  They bonded over the fact that both of their dads were pastors.  AshLee said, “I don’t want something so perfect to be spoiled.” Oh, AshLee. Don’t you know such proclamations are the Kiss of Death on this show?  The pair meet up with her adoptive parents at a picnic table and are asked about their adventures. AshLee brought her adoption up (again) when discussing the Polar Bear Plunge. How, you ask? She left her insecurities in the water. Except for the times she trots them out periodically throughout the show.  I will admit, it was sweet when her dad choked up talking about her adoption.

Feb 11

Bachelor Week 6: I Get It, Tierra – I Can’t Control My Eyebrows, Either.

 

Photo courtesy of ABC

Sean broke the rules (again) and traveled with the ladies to St. Croix, Virgin Islands.  The girls explored their accommodations just like they always do, “omg!” “Look at the view!” “It smells so new!” Wait, what?  Never before in Bachelor history have the words “it smells so new” been uttered in a hotel room, ever.

The first one-on-one went to AshLee.  Tierra couldn’t hide her jealousy, and called her a cougar, but AshLee let this one roll right off her back. She was on a date with her dream man/future husband!

Feb 04

Bachelor Week 5: Things Are Getting Rocky in the Rockies

Photo courtesy of ABC

 

Photo courtesy of ABC

Pack your bags, the group is going on a world-wide journey to find love and it starts in…Montana?!?  Really?  Yep.  The date cards come and there are three dates: one group date, a 1-on-1 and a 2-on 1, all featuring Sean the self-proclaimed “outdoorsy guy.”  Be sure to check yourself for ticks.

Tierra says she should get the 1-on-1 because “she deserves it.”  What she “deserves” is a good ass-kicking.  So irritating.  Tough luck, Tierra, cuz substitute teacher Lindsay got it instead.  Sean packed an extra flannel and Henley and they rode in a “badass” helicopter to tour Glacier National Park.

Jan 28

Bachelor Week 4: “Pretty Woman” Part Deux and the Girls Are Getting Tierra-ble.

Week 4, and there are already declarations of “I want to spend the rest of my life with him” among the women.  Yep, sounds about right.  Chris Harrison doesn’t help matters when he announces that Sean is confident his wife is among the 13 ladies that remain in the house.

A shirtless Sean (in his skivvies, no less!) begins the show talking about how this week, he’s focused on making sure the women trust him.  He says this with a straight face.

Selma gets the first date, and says she can’t wait to “take it to the next level.”

Jan 22

Bachelor Week 3: Rookie Mistakes and the Rosacea Twins Set a World Record

Rookie

Important things are happening on the Bachelor, y’all!  Like, world records are being SHATTERED.  This is serious stuff, people.

The episode begins with a shirtless Sean working out shirtless in his private shirtless gym.  ABC clearly knows which side its bread is buttered on!  Sean’s “digging a lot of women” and can’t wait for the two one-on-one dates and the group date.  Not everyone’s getting a date this week, so you know there will be drama among the ladies.

Spunky Robyn dreams about receiving the date card, telling producers, “I want the date card to say ‘Robyn, Let’s ditch these bitches and go fall in love for real.’” Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

Jan 14

Bachelor Week 2: Sean’s Got Jungle Fever and the House Turns Into a “Tornado of Negativity”

I thought I’d start this week by explaining the “Bachelor Drinking Game.”  Every time Sean and/or the bachelorettes say certain words, take a drink of the beverage of your choice.  Tonight, it’s water.  (Yeah, I’m a wild woman.  Tell me something I don’t already know.)

So, for example, tonight I…really had to pee.

 

By the numbers:

journey = 1 drink

“love of my life” = 1 swig

talking about how “real” it is = 4 (glug, glug, glug, glug)

Sean is the “perfect guy” = 1 (hiccup)

fairy tale = 2 shots

Jan 07

The Bachelor’s Back! Let the Drinking Begin!

Everyone’s favorite 29-year-old Texan is back in L.A. to meet a new crop of single ladies in the hopes of finding his bride.  Nice to see Sean’s oompa loompa tan has faded a smidge since Emily’s season.  But he’s back, and he brought plenty of plaid shirts and v-neck tees with him.

Sean, whose shirtless body was featured no less than three times in the opening sequence, exclaimed,  “I want to love my woman . . . I want to be that rock,” as his shirtless self climbed a rock.  So literal!  Oh Bachelor, how I love thee.

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