Jul 24

The Bachelorette: The Men Tell Some Stuff, Avoid Others

Photo courtesy of ABC

It’s that time of the season again – where the rejects gather to “get closure” from the object of their affection after the world’s shortest love affair(s).  (Didn’t we just do this two months ago with Sean?)

Jul 15

The Bachelorette: It’s the Hometowns, People!

Photo courtesy of ABC

It’s the best week of the Bachelorette – hometowns!  You know, when the contestants’ embarrassing family members let their freak flags fly in front of all of America! Who can forget when Chantal took Brad (the second time he was the Bachelor) to the mortuary and made him play house on the embalming table?  Or when someone’s grandma wanted to know whether the Bachelor’s any good in the sack?  ABC wasted no time getting into it.

Jul 08

The Bachelorette: Lots of Picnics, Cloud Nine, and Riding the Love Roller Coaster

Brooks in his Mr. Rogers cardigan. Photo courtesy of ABC.

The group wakes up on Madeira Island, Portugal, which according to them is, the “hidden pearl in the Atlantic.”  I desperately hope someone from the tourism bureau’s paying attention to the “Bachelorette,” because apparently the palm trees, island breezes, crystal blue waters and breathtaking rock formations don’t sell themselves.  Promotional consideration must be exchanged, I say!

This week, there will be three 1-on-1 dates, and one 2-on-1 date.  A rose will only be given out during the 2-on-1, and nobody goes home before the rose ceremony (unless they feel like it.)

Jul 04

Get ’em started early…

Whatever happened to visiting an establishment and, oh, I dunno,  just getting a GUMBALL????  Do toddlers REALLY need mini-handcuffs, grenades, and assorted ammunition?  Apparently, the answer is yes.

Jul 02

Disney’s “Delivery Man” Hits Theaters November 22nd – Exclusive Sneak Peek Here

I know what you’re thinking – why would I want to watch a movie where Vince Vaughn delivers pizza/mail/UPS packages?  But it’s not that kind of movie, you guys!  In “Delivery Man,” Vaughn plays David, an unreliable guy who’s “stuck” and wants to find a purpose in life.  After a mix-up at the sperm bank 20 years earlier (hate it when that happens!), he discovers that he’s the father of 533 kids, 142 of whom are suing to discover his identity.   David wants to meet these kids (now young adults) but can’t disclose his identity, so he assumes the role of guardian angel in their lives.  The cast includes “How I Met Your Mother’s” Cobie Smulders and “Parks & Recreation’s” Chris Pratt.  While it’s a Disney movie, it’s PG-13, so leave the kiddos at home.  Can’t wait to see it, and enjoy the preview!

Jul 01

The Bachelorette: Did You Know Caves in Spain Come Furnished with Leather Couches? Me Neither.

If watching 20+ seasons of the Bachelor/Bachelorette has taught me anything, it’s that if you act halfway normal, you have a decent shot at making it to the finals.   Don’t be a crybaby, resist the urge to be a tattle-tale, steer clear of the douchey-ness and mind your own beeswax and you should be OK.  That being said, in Barcelona this week, the caca hit the fan-o.

The episode started with Des, sketchpad in hand, declaring that Barcelona is “so inspiring” and “the perfect place to fall in love.”  (Kinda like Munich. And Thailand. And the Seychelles.  And Paris. And Canada. And New Jersey, the list goes on and on.)  Meanwhile, the hoodie brigade (seriously, between hoodies and v-neck short sleeve tees, that’s all they packed) enjoyed Cervezas at a tapas bar when Chris Harrison arrived with the date cards.  There will be a group date and two 1-on-1 dates.  At some point, the guys pinky swear that whomever gets the first 1-on-1 has to tell Des that James is campaigning HARD to be the next Bachelor.  Drew’s the lucky winner, and he starts the date with zero intentions of telling her.

Jun 25

The Bachelorette: Des Takes the “Ultimate Risk” with a Bunch of Europe Virgins

Photo courtesy of ABC

This season’s been a little, um, bland.  Perhaps because Des is the “everywoman” who doesn’t really have a personality and the majority of the guys are either tattletales or giant tools.   Tonight, we learn that this is THE FIRST TIME Des (and several of the guys) has ever been to Europe, and we’re reminded of that fact no less than a half dozen times.  The guys arrive in Munich wearing their fanciest hoodies because that’s what you wear when you’re looking for love in a foreign land. Michael’s hoodie has the thickest drawstrings I’ve ever seen in my life.

Jun 14

Still Looking for the Perfect Father’s Day Gift? Found It!

Look no further, friends.  I saw this at a handbag store on my way to work this week.  Get dad that studded Betty Boop purse he’s had his eye on.  The only question is, which one?  (Pretty sure they ship, too!)

 

Jun 13

The Bachelorette: Love Is a Battlefield, and Someone Wasn’t There for the Right Reasons (Gasp!)

Photo courtesy of ABC - Brooks and his finger, in happier times

This week’s theme of “The Bachelorette” was “Winner Takes All,” and the guys showed the ridiculous lengths they’d go to to win an extra 3 minutes with Princess Des (or as the very funny Selena Coppock calls her, the “poor man’s Katie Holmes”), since, clearly, she’s the last woman on earth.

We didn’t waste any time getting to the first group date, mysteriously titled “Love is a Battlefield” on the date card.  (Hear that, Pat Benatar?)  The guys are greeted in a warehouse by the Commissioner of the National Dodgeball League (yes, it’s a real thing), where the pros WHIP the balls at all the guys.  It’s actually pretty funny to watch.  Desiree can barely contain her excitement, as she looks forward to the thrill of the competition and the guys fighting for her honor. Really? I don’t think the dodgeball guys gave two hoots about them, or Des, as there wasn’t even a glimmer of recognition of the show amongst them. (We’re here to PLAY, man!)

Jun 03

Desiree Asks the Guys If They’re There For the Right Reasons, While Soulja Boy Kisses His Career Goodbye

Photo courtesy of ABC

I just watched the Soulja Boy video on ABC.com and, man – either ABC paid Soulja Boy a shit ton of moolah, or someone at that network has some major dirt on Soulja Boy.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The first date card of the season arrives, and it goes to Brooks, who’s eager to figure out the “ball of mystery” that is Desiree.  (His words, not mine.)  Meantime, back at Desiree’s mansion, she’s sitting at the window sketching ….dresses. (Did she ever draw on Sean’s season of the Bachelor? Because there’s been a LOT of sketching so far.)  It only took two minutes for her to launch into the “this is the a dream come true,” and “I feel like I’m a princess!” spiel.

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