I know what you’re thinking – why would I want to watch a movie where Vince Vaughn delivers pizza/mail/UPS packages? But it’s not that kind of movie, you guys! In “Delivery Man,” Vaughn plays David, an unreliable guy who’s “stuck” and wants to find a purpose in life. After a mix-up at the sperm bank 20 years earlier (hate it when that happens!), he discovers that he’s the father of 533 kids, 142 of whom are suing to discover his identity. David wants to meet these kids (now young adults) but can’t disclose his identity, so he assumes the role of guardian angel in their lives. The cast includes “How I Met Your Mother’s” Cobie Smulders and “Parks & Recreation’s” Chris Pratt. While it’s a Disney movie, it’s PG-13, so leave the kiddos at home. Can’t wait to see it, and enjoy the preview!
Last week, a colleague of mine was complaining that she couldn’t take her 2 1/2-year-old son on car trips to visit family because he’d get extremely carsick. I could empathize, having been a motion-challenged child myself. ”Have you tried Dramamine?” I asked. ”No,” she replied. ”I don’t want to give my son any medication.” ”Oh. So she’s one of THOSE moms,” I thought. Good luck with that. ”I’m pretty sure they make a version for kids,” I said. Wanting to prove I’m right, I pulled up the site on my computer and, sure enough, there’s a version for kids named, interestingly enough, “Dramamine for Kids.”View full post
Love means never having to say “I’m sorry…for neglecting you.” Did you catch the first sentence? “I did it again.” Like, this happens frequently, or at least enough to necessitate a trip to Hallmark for a love/apology hybrid card. Oh, yes. There’s a card for that. Run for the hills, I say! (File this little gem under: between you & me…& my therapist.)View full post
We’re into Week 3 of Government Shutdown 2013, and things are getting rough, y’all. Like, so rough, I’m submitting a list of potential OPI nail colors should this thing continue.
Here they are, in no particular order:
All Dressed Up and No Place to Furlough
This is Red-iculous!
Fiscal Cliff Fuchsia
My PAC or Yours?
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue State
Blame Game Blues
Tea Party Teal
Green Eggs and Farm Subsidies
Blink First BlancaView full post
Unfortunately for ABC, DWTS is turning into Make-a-Wish for Seniors.
For weeks, the network’s been touting all these new changes to the show that were revealed on Monday night, so I hope you all were ready for them! Here they are, in no particular order:
- You get 12 votes per phone line, per e-mail address, and Facebook account. That’s 36 votes, y’all. Oooooh.
- The show will only air one night a week. Ahhhh.
- Couples keep their numbers the whole season. Say it with me now. Ohhhhhh.
To start the night off, Chris Harrison recapped the first half of the finale succinctly: “Desiree gave her heart completely to someone who didn’t love her back…Desiree was left…virtually hopeless.” Nice setup, ABC. Real nice.
We pick up where we left off last Monday – with Desiree crying in Antigua to a sad music soundtrack. *cue the violins* Des changes out of her heinous outfit into a maxi dress for the obligatory “where do we go from here?” chat with Chris Harrison. Chris Harrison asks how she is and she says OK, but he calls bullshit and she dissolves into a puddle of tears on the porch, sobbing that she just wants to go home.View full post
The episode started with Des, sketchpad in hand, declaring that Barcelona is “so inspiring” and “the perfect place to fall in love.” (Kinda like Munich. And Thailand. And the Seychelles. And Paris. And Canada. And New Jersey, the list goes on and on.) Meanwhile, the hoodie brigade (seriously, between hoodies and v-neck short sleeve tees, that’s all they packed) enjoyed Cervezas at a tapas bar when Chris Harrison arrived with the date cards. There will be a group date and two 1-on-1 dates. At some point, the guys pinky swear that whomever gets the first 1-on-1 has to tell Des that James is campaigning HARD to be the next Bachelor. Drew’s the lucky winner, and he starts the date with zero intentions of telling her.
This season’s been a little, um, bland. Perhaps because Des is the “everywoman” who doesn’t really have a personality and the majority of the guys are either tattletales or giant tools. Tonight, we learn that this is THE FIRST TIME Des (and several of the guys) has ever been to Europe, and we’re reminded of that fact no less than a half dozen times. The guys arrive in Munich wearing their fanciest hoodies because that’s what you wear when you’re looking for love in a foreign land. Michael’s hoodie has the thickest drawstrings I’ve ever seen in my life.
We didn’t waste any time getting to the first group date, mysteriously titled “Love is a Battlefield” on the date card. (Hear that, Pat Benatar?) The guys are greeted in a warehouse by the Commissioner of the National Dodgeball League (yes, it’s a real thing), where the pros WHIP the balls at all the guys. It’s actually pretty funny to watch. Desiree can barely contain her excitement, as she looks forward to the thrill of the competition and the guys fighting for her honor. Really? I don’t think the dodgeball guys gave two hoots about them, or Des, as there wasn’t even a glimmer of recognition of the show amongst them. (We’re here to PLAY, man!)
Desiree Asks the Guys If They’re There For the Right Reasons, While Soulja Boy Kisses His Career Goodbye
I just watched the Soulja Boy video on ABC.com and, man – either ABC paid Soulja Boy a shit ton of moolah, or someone at that network has some major dirt on Soulja Boy. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
The first date card of the season arrives, and it goes to Brooks, who’s eager to figure out the “ball of mystery” that is Desiree. (His words, not mine.) Meantime, back at Desiree’s mansion, she’s sitting at the window sketching ….dresses. (Did she ever draw on Sean’s season of the Bachelor? Because there’s been a LOT of sketching so far.) It only took two minutes for her to launch into the “this is the a dream come true,” and “I feel like I’m a princess!” spiel.
Desiree rolls up to her Malibu beach house and Chris Harrison is there to welcome her and gifts her with, not one, but TWO sketch pads. (So, what, she’s an artist now?) Cute baby pictures set the stage for this season – love and family are all Desiree desires. Hers is a Cinderella story, you see. And she makes reference to Cinderella, and fairy tales, eight times in the first 15 minutes. There’s also some discussion of a happy ending. #doubleentendresarefun (We’ll get to the unnecessary hashtags in a moment.)
On the season finale of the Bachelor, Sean makes everyone cry: Catherine, Lindsay, himself… even his mother.
The three hour “Bachelor Finale Event” kicked off with a live studio audience and Chris Harrison, breathlessly reporting “late breaking” news about Sean’s quest for love. Really, ABC? How can it be breaking if it wrapped several months ago?
Sean arrives in Thailand with his lady loves and his family, who provide absolutely no assistance whatsoever in helping him choose his final lady. Honestly, I have no idea why they shipped the two kids to Thailand on what had to be a ridiculously long flight. The best line of the night, however, goes to Sean’s nephew (a/k/a the kid with the super fancy playhouse), who reminded Sean, “Emily didn’t pick you!” Hilarious.
Well, Bachelor fans, it’s that time. The week before the final episode, where all our burning questions are (not) answered. Here’s what I want to know: what is a “born again virgin?” and where’s this Mystery Man to whom Tierra’s engaged (and how can we warn him)? If he has eyes and a television that made the digital transition in 2009, then he should know what he’s getting into.
Here are a few of my observations from the show:
- There were no new shirtless shots of Sean. (Say that three times fast)
When you care enough to send the very best…