Feb 25

Bachelor Week 8: It’s the Overnight Dates in Thailand Where…Nothing Happens.

Photo courtesy of ABC

Not sure what’s in the water but everyone loves them some Sean! All of the women are saying they are either falling or are already in love with the Bachelor.  At the beginning of the episode, Sean sees himself building a life with each of the women. He calls Catherine “weird, nerdy and goofy” but says that’s what he’s into.  (The ultimate compliment!) “I need more silly in my life,” said the guy who went on reality TV to meet his future wife.

Of the three remaining women, Sean says his relationship with AshLee is the strongest.  Which, of course,  means he’s going to send her packing. That, my friends, is foreshadowing. Sean is seen contemplating his decision, frequently shirtless, while in the pool. Here’s Sean walking around shirtless. Here’s Sean looking pensive.  Snore.

The first overnight date was with Lindsay.  They rode a three-person scooter-powered golf cart, because nothing is more romantic than making out on a bench in Thailand, on television, next to the random dude steering your scooter 10 mph, the wind in your hair.  They arrived at an outdoor market where they thought about buying baby chicks dunked in fluorescent paint.  (There is nothing natural about neon green and hot pink baby chicks. Where’s PETA when you need them?)  Lindsay made the mistake of telling Bachelor producers she’d try anything but wouldn’t eat bugs.  Naturally, Sean and the diabolical producers decide it’d be the “perfect test” to see if she’d suck it up and eat bugs to prove her love for Sean.  Lindsay, probably having flashbacks of Selma refusing to jump in the lake and being sent home, ate two bugs. “It’s not that bad,” Sean kept saying.  Lindsay’s eyes were watering and she looked like she was going to gag.  Evidently, she “passed” his test, because he took her to buy some really tacky swim trunks for himself.  Sean told Lindsay she’s “the best friend I’ve been looking for.” Then they braided each other’s hair and made friendship bracelets.

Next, they went to Monkey Beach and fed the monkeys, who were a little put off by Sean’s ridiculously ugly swim trunks. (Can’t say I blame them.)  Lindsay changed into a weird bustier before dinner, because nothing says “take me back to the fantasy suite to chat all night long” like wearing your underwear to dinner.  Poor Lindsay tried all day to find the perfect opportunity to tell Sean she loves him but she kept getting interrupted by hungry monkeys or dancing ladies.

Sean told Lindsay he wanted “someone funny, compassionate and loving, I’ve wanted both those things.”  I’m not great at math, but I’m pretty sure he listed three things there.  (I’m only mentioning this because in the credits, Sean and Catherine did math together “for fun.”)

The second overnight date was with AshLee.  Clearly, she didn’t get the memo that this was a date, not a car wash.  The mesh netting top was a little …um… dated. Sean took her to a cave, which, of course, brings up abandonment issues for AshLee.  (What doesn’t at this point?) “I’m more vulnerable than I’ve ever been in my life,” she said. Really, AshLee?  You have a floaty thing to hold onto and Sean. What more do you need?  “I don’t do caves.” Well, neither do I, but we know what happens if you don’t play along. Ask Selma.

AshLee keeps making metaphors for their cave exploration and how it compares to real life. “I have to be vulnerable, I have to let go. You have to feel around in the dark and trust… blah, blah, blah.”  It wasn’t all that scary. Essentially, it’s the equivalent of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride at Disneyland.  When they emerged from the cave, they found themselves on a private beach that’s only accessible through the cave, which is a metaphor for…oh, forget it. I’m bored.

At dinner, Sean and AshLee marvel about how they’re still single. AshLee wants to reassure Sean she’s ready for the next level. “I don’t take getting engaged lightly,” said the woman who got married before homecoming and divorced by prom.

They are on the same page about expectations for the evening – a sleepover with lots of chatting.  She’s so confident, in fact, AshLee talks about the kind of ring she wants and even gives him her ring size.

Sean: “Let’s stay up all night talking and roasting marshmallows and telling ghost stories.”

AshLee: “ Ohmigod, I totally want to organize your closets and iron your shirts 4 EVER.”

Catherine had the final overnight date and they explored the islands in an old timey boat.  Sean sees Catherine as his best friend, too, but their lives are the most different of the remaining women.

Catherine said she was in a long-term relationship but was scared of commitment, which should totally bode well for this one. She told Sean that her sisters don’t know how ready for commitment she is and they’re just jealous.  After chatting for a bit, they “make the leap” literally and figuratively off the side of the boat and go snorkeling.  Then a storm pops up and they move their makeout session from the ocean to the boat.  They’re making out in the rain! You know what that means! They’re wet!

Sean changed out of his white cotton v-neck tee into a white Oxford button down for dinner because he’s fancy.  He tells Catherine that he can see himself marrying her, and that she gets him better than anyone else.  Catherine said before she came on the show, she said “no way” would she go to the fantasy suite.  She wants to be seen as a lady, but now decides, screw it, it’s more important to spend time together.  Catherine tells Sean that she didn’t think a boy like him (a “beefy hunk”) would like a girl like her (a girl once teased for being chubby).  He called her “smokin’ hot” and said he’s the lucky one. She said she fell in love with Sean on their date and said she now knows they’re meant to be together. Must’ve be some date!

The day of the rose ceremony, Sean woke up certain of his decision on who to send home.  This decision, he said, was harder than sending Desiree home last week. (That’s gotta make her feel awesome.)

As the women arrive for the final rose ceremony, and to prolong the decision making process, Chris Harrison has Sean listen to the personal video messages, even though his decision has been made. Sean consults the pictures, picking each up to gather something (strength? power? cajones?) from them.

Lindsay’s video recapped all their dates for him. “I met you in a wedding dress, and maybe I’ll be wearing one again for you.”

Catherine called him a “megahunk” in her video, and said she was falling in love with him, and that he gave her the “wiggles.” (?)

AshLee’s video, by far, was the most Dramatic. Personal Video. Ever. “I can’t imagine one day without you. I can’t imagine walking away and not having you as my partner for life…. I believe that together we are whole.”  She got super emotional in her video and it was clearly making Sean uncomfortable. “Because of who you are to me, I know that I am no longer broken. And for that, I will always love you.”

While watching AshLee’s video, Sean looked like he’d just swallowed another bug. A big one. Not covered in chocolate.

It was raining when the women arrived at the last rose ceremony.  Clearly, it’s God’s tears, because AshLee was sent home.  (She was totally pissed, btw, walking out without saying goodbye to anyone.)  Sean didn’t help matters when he said he wanted to give her closure but failed to give her a reason for letting her go.  He said he thought it was her from the beginning, and that their relationship was intense.  In the limo, AshLee said, “This wasn’t about laughter and joking and having fun.”  Maybe that was part of it?

In the end, Lindsay and Catherine got roses. Next week is the “Women Tell All” show from “the most dramatic season ever,” according to Chris Harrison.  Then, in two weeks, Sean’s family meets the final two women.  And he debuts a new plaid shirt.  So, we have that to look forward to. And apparently Sean gets a letter from someone on the day of The Proposal, and he gets misty-eyed. And pensive.

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