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Sep 01

Facebook Is For Puppy Pics and Drooling Babies, Not Political Fights.

A wise Pinterest pin once read: “Thanks for changing my political ideology through your rant on Facebook, said nobody, ever.”  And I wholeheartedly subscribe to that theory.

Facebook is a place for pictures of puppies dressed as people and photos of cute babies drooling.  It is NOT the place for political cheerleading and berating others for their opinions and beliefs.  It’s a place to solicit donations for fun runs, thoughts and prayers for ill family members, to commiserate about crappy jobs, brag/vent about wonderful/shitty spouses and/or kids.

I don’t want to read any more grandstanding, my-party-is-better-than-your-party name-calling bullshit in any of my news feeds.  It’s annoying, depressing, and generally just pisses me off.  Don’t even get me started when those obnoxious statements are not based in fact, like, at all.  If you’re going to get all high and mighty, do some fact-checking first, OK?  Don’t hop on the bandwagon and butcher statements you “might have” heard or parrot back what your father/sister/boss/co-worker/barista/bus driver said without having at least checked it out yourself.  Remember that pony-tailed creep in the bar from “Good Will Hunting” that spoke like he had a clue but really didn’t?  Don’t be that guy.  He’s not fun at parties and he sucks at life.  (How ‘bout them apples?)

While we’re on the subject, here are some perfectly acceptable uses for Facebook:

  • Wishing people you haven’t seen in 20 years a “happy birthday”
  • Ultrasound pictures announcing the expansion of your family
  • Commenting on celebrity meltdowns
  • Snarky commentary on television shows
  • Showing Pinterest projects you’ve completed/furniture you’ve built
  • Showcasing your mad costume-making skills at Halloween
  • Ugly Christmas sweaters
  • Jealousy-inducing vacation photos
  • Food photos
  • Trying out one-liners
  • Soliciting advice for how to get stains out of things/get a child to sleep, etc.
  • Promoting upcoming shows/projects

On the flip side, here are some things I NEVER want to see on Facebook ever again:

  • Topless photos (male or female)
  • Photos taken through a mirror (Really? Get a friend to take a picture. Or just don’t.)
  • Photographic proof that your child is potty trained
  • Political fighting

I’m all for the First Amendment, really, I am, but I don’t think I can handle this crap until November.  What’s the point, anyway?  To garner a number of “likes”? To engage someone in a fight on Facebook?  Which, let’s be honest, is ridiculous.  Jerk A writes a missive designed to ruffle some feathers, Jerk B reads it a few hours later and fires back his own ill-researched (and fantastical) salvo, to which Jerk A, of course, must respond.  Meanwhile, Jerk C happens upon the kerfuffle in his news feed and MUST provide the world with his two cents, facts be damned!!!! Oh, and did I mention that Jerk C doesn’t know Jerk B, but happens to be a friend-of-a-friend of  Jerk A’s?  So now you’ve got complete strangers who knew so-and-so because their moms played bridge together 25 years ago getting into it on Facebook, pushing all the puppies dressed like Lady Gaga and teething babies to the bottom of my news feed.  And that makes me cranky.

Let's make Facebook a Crap-Free Zone.

Not to mention that nobody really CARES what you think anyway.  I mean, let’s be honest here.  Raise your hand if you have ever read any politically-themed diatribe on Facebook and thought, “You know, that Guy really has a point.  Thank you, Guy, for helping me see the error of my ways, for enlightening me to the truth with your name-calling and ill-researched commentary.”  Because, you know, attacking people is really a great way to make friends and influence people.  (I’m pretty sure there’s a book with that title, but I haven’t really researched it, soooo….)

I may be de-friended (un-friended?) for expressing this sentiment, and I don’t really care.  (More space for puppy pics.)  I look forward to the day that Facebook is once again the place where people talk about how wonderful their lives are (even as they pause during amazing life events to update their statuses, just to make sure everyone else knows how great every thing is), how cute their babies are, how much their dog looks like Matthew McConaughey in “Magic Mike” when he wears that certain cowboy hat.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to wish my piano teacher’s cousin’s uncle a happy birthday.

 

 

3 comments

  1. TheGreatestGood

    You are so sad… this is a perfect example of what is wrong with this country.. I think Jersey shore is on u might want to go watch it… sad sad sad… Just because you choose to have a close mind about Politics… (even though I hear you are an Assistant DA for some state) does not mean that political information as shared through facebook is worthless.. maybe you the unenlightened.. the shallow.. and that pathetic.. but not to the free thinking citizens who give a crap about what happens to this world.. I for one DO CARE… and people like you make me ill… yeah no one should talk about the constant rape of the environment and the exploitation of the masses by a few elitist clowns who WANT YOU TO BE IGNORANT… so that you are unable to see what it is they are doing… have fun voting Romney/Ryan

    1. Lindsay

      Hi Tom, Thanks for reading. You pretty much made my point for me about the name calling. Never said anything about political speech. Thanks for reading!

  2. Michelle

    I couldn’t agree with you more Lindsay. Why Facebook feeds have to get hijacked by political smack-down-style rants and people can’t just have respectful, fact based discussions is beyond me. And, really, I’d rather get my “facts” from a source other than Facebook anyway so that I know just how credible they may or may not be.

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