It’s bad enough to be sick during summer, but to have cough drop manufacturers kicking you when you’re down is just plain mean. Last year, I discovered that cough drop companies think we’re morons. Hall’s now has a campaign where they offer “a pep talk in every drop!” Um, I feel like crap. I can’t taste anything and am coughing so hard I’ve pulled a muscle in my chest. My nose is raw from blowing it and I have zero appetite because I have a mucus pool forming in my stomach. (Gross, I know.) I’ve been sick for more than two weeks. Gimme a break. So when I read your “inspirational saying” that I should “inspire envy” … well, excuse me while I punch you in the throat.
Oh, yeah. I inspire massive amounts of envy with my raging case of post-nasal drip and smoker’s cough.
Here’s a two-fer. ”Hi-five yourself” and “Don’t wait to get started.” A double dose of inspiration/nagging. Look, I can barely make it to the bathroom without breaking a sweat/needing a nap and I’m supposed to get going on a new project because my cough drop is calling me lazy? Are you kidding me? Yet, in the same breath/wrapper, Hall’s says I should celebrate my successes by giving myself a hi-five! I changed out of sweat pants today – hi-five! Mixed messages, indeed.
But wait! Lest I fall into the depths of despair, worrying that I will never get better/stop hacking, Hall’s wants to jerk me back from the ledge. ”Don’t give up on yourself!” my cough drop implores. It’s gonna be OK. You’ll make it, kid. Just when I start to feel better about things, BAM! Hall’s is there to knock me down a few pegs. ”Don’t waste a precious minute.” Great. So now it’s mocking me. My cough drop is mocking me. Hey, assholes, if I was in Go-Go-Gadget mode, I wouldn’t need your stupid product! But I’m sick…so cut me some slack. If I want an inspirational message, I’ll eat Dove Promises or a fortune cookie. But I can’t taste it. Life is so unfair.
