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Jul 07

Cough Drop Manufacturers Really Suck, Part II

It’s bad enough to be sick during summer, but to have cough drop manufacturers kicking you when you’re down is just plain mean. Last year, I discovered that cough drop companies think we’re morons.  Hall’s now has a campaign where they offer “a pep talk in every drop!”  Um, I feel like crap.  I can’t taste anything and am coughing so hard I’ve pulled a muscle in my chest.  My nose is raw from blowing it and I have zero appetite because I have a mucus pool forming in my stomach.  (Gross, I know.)  I’ve been sick for more than two weeks.  Gimme a break.  So when I read your “inspirational saying” that I should “inspire envy” … well, excuse me while I punch you in the throat.

Oh, yeah.  I inspire massive amounts of envy with my raging case of post-nasal drip and smoker’s cough.

 

 


Here’s a two-fer.  “Hi-five yourself” and “Don’t wait to get started.”  A double dose of inspiration/nagging.  Look, I can barely make it to the bathroom without breaking a sweat/needing a nap and I’m supposed to get going on a new project because my cough drop is calling me lazy?  Are you kidding me?  Yet, in the same breath/wrapper, Hall’s says I should celebrate my successes by giving myself a hi-five!  I changed out of sweat pants today – hi-five!  Mixed messages, indeed.

But wait!  Lest I fall into the depths of despair, worrying that I will never get better/stop hacking, Hall’s wants to jerk me back from the ledge.  “Don’t give up on yourself!” my cough drop implores.  It’s gonna be OK.  You’ll make it, kid.  Just when I start to feel better about things, BAM!  Hall’s is there to knock me down a few pegs.  “Don’t waste a precious minute.”  Great.  So now it’s mocking me.  My cough drop is mocking me.  Hey, assholes, if I was in Go-Go-Gadget mode, I wouldn’t need your stupid product!  But I’m sick…so cut me some slack.  If I want an inspirational message, I’ll eat Dove Promises or a fortune cookie.  But I can’t taste it.  Life is so unfair.

 

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