It’s finally here! ABC has teased the hell out of it, essentially showing the entire thing in promos, but it’s here! We’ve arrived at the week when Bachelorette Emily finally drops the F-Bomb and kicks a guy off the show.
First things first: If you’re a guy and you think the other guys are on the show to be your friend, you’re an idiot. They may be on the show for many reasons (finding love, their 15 minutes of fame, etc.), but making friends ain’t one of ‘em. This whole Fratty McFrat situation has got to end.
This week, the gang hits London, where Ryan, ever the narcissist, explains that: “London is a pretty incredible – beautiful place, very romantic setting, what an unbelievable backdrop for her to continue to develop a relationship with me.” Yes, lucky her. Ugh. Get rid of him already!
Sean nabbed the first one-on-one date. “London’s calling, and I’m going to answer!” Um, ok. They posed all over the city taking pictures together. “Oh, look!” Emily exclaimed, “It’s St. Paul’s Cathedral, where Princess Diana and Prince Charles got married!” Because we all know how well that worked out. Then they had dinner in the Tower of London where Henry VIII imprisoned his wives before beheading them. Cheers! *clinking of glasses*
Meanwhile, back at the hotel, control-freak Kalon was beside himself that things weren’t going according to his “plan.” What plan would that be, exactly? You do realize you signed up for “The Bachelorette,” right? When asked by Jef and Arie how he felt about going on the group date, Kalon said, “Any date [in the future] is going to be a group date” referring to Emily’s 6-year-old daughter, Ricki. At some point he evidently referred to Ricki as “baggage” though the comment wasn’t captured on tape. It’s a pretty ridiculous thing to say. What good could possibly come out of that comment? I mean, how lacking in the self-awareness department do you have to be to be that big of a tool? Also, his head reminds me of a Howdy Doody doll. Super annoying.
For the group date, the guys auditioned (poorly) for roles in “Romeo and Juliet” before Shakespeare experts at Stratford upon Avon, but really they were auditioning for the role of Ricki’s step-daddy. Four guys played Romeo, while the other four played Juliet’s nursemaid. All the guys (with the exception of Kalon) didn’t take it too seriously and most tried to have fun with it. Kalon was Romeo for one flat scene, in which he announced, “I was born to play this role!” Seriously. He said that.
After the “performance,” Em and her merry men headed to a nearby pub for a pint. Doug told Emily that one of the guys referred to Ricki as baggage. Upon hearing that, it was all Emily could do to not “go West Virginia hood rat backwoods on his ass.” She confronted Kalon and he admitted that he’d said it and was completely unapologetic about it. At that point, she told him she couldn’t believe he would say something like that to her, especially since he was raised by a single mother, and to “get the f#@& out.” She was pretty pissed (and rightfully so) that none of the other guys came forward about what was said so she ended the night early without giving out a rose.
The next day, Jef had his one-on-one date with Emily where they had afternoon tea with an etiquette teacher. SUPER FUN! Jef had to do some damage control since he witnessed Kalon’s statements and didn’t say anything about them. Jef said he stood up for her which, conveniently, wasn’t shown. He said, “If Ricki’s baggage then she’s a Chloe handbag that I want to have forever.” That’s all Emily needed to hear. She gave him a rose. His pompadour and pocket square really lucked out on that one.
At the cocktail party, Emily put Arie in the hot seat, where the racecar driver spun his wheels trying to explain why he didn’t stick up for her. “I got so caught up in us” and “I felt you had it handled” were phrases he bandied about and it wasn’t looking too good for him for a bit. Then the world flipped upside down when Emily fell for Ryan’s awkward “Romeo & Juliet” reenactment, and all his fatty comments from last week were forgotten. (Is it just me, or does Emily’s accent kick in big time when she’s around Ryan?) As for Sean, Emily says he gives her “butterflies in [her] heart.” Blech. Pass the Pepto.
Next week, Em and her eight suitors head to the romantic destination of – Croatia? Really?