Feb 27

The Bachelor By the Numbers: Ben’s Head is “Very Confused.”

Yes, it’s true.  Ben’s head is very confused.  He even admitted as much four times during tonight’s episode.  That’s what happens when you think with the WRONG one.  But, alas, Ben seems destined for heartbreak again.  After last season’s disastrous proposal to Ashley, you’d think he’d have figured out that he should take his “decision” and do the exact opposite.

As Ben left for Switzerland, he said that he’d been all over the world on this magical journey, searching for love.  Um, not really Ben.  Sonoma, Utah and Puerto Rico do not a world traveler make.

There was … a helicopter ride!  And more metaphors for falling off a cliff and falling in love (at least three.) THREE picnics!  And three hot tub make-out sessions.  Seriously.  Yawn.  And major eye rolling was going on when Ben gave Nicki the fantasy suite card and she feigned surprise and pretended not to know what it was.  We’ve seen this how many times over the past 22 seasons – 66 times?!? (for those who want to check my work, I added the number of Bachelor and Bachelorette seasons, not including this one, and multiplied it by 3, representing the number of daters asked to the suite. True, sometimes the card wasn’t offered but it was always discussed so therefore, it counts.)  My blog, my rules.

I also learned a new game that Ben and Courtney played on their date during their picnic.  It’s called “Hey Cow” and apparently it’s all the rage in Sonoma.  As Ben explained: You yell “Hey Cow!” to the horses cows grazing nearby, and if the cow looks at you, you win! Super fun game.

Moving on to the numbers –

1 – number of candlelit dinners held in a log cabin where Ben and his ladylove sat on tree stumps and talked about their connection

4 – number of kids Ben says he wants to have (good luck with that!)

1 – number of former contestants who returned to warn Ben about Courtney and get closure

4 – number of times the show was referred to as “the journey”

2 – number of times the Alps were referred to as “majestic”

4 – number of times Ben and the ladies referred to “the journey” as a “fairytale”

1 – number weird stains on Lyndzi’s dress that I noticed when she arrived to dinner

3 – number of times Lyndzi said she “liked where this was going.”

Tonight, Ben said goodbye to Nicki, she of the camouflage fingernails (I counted three polish changes in tonight’s episode alone.)  I will miss those nails and all the ways she accessorized.   That girl could match like nobody’s business.

Next week is “The Women Tell All” where the ladies will undoubtedly skewer Ben, and rightfully so.  Then, two weeks from tonight, is the finale, where Ben makes his final decision.  I will be on my couch, glass of wine in hand, playing “The Bachelor” drinking game, where I will take a swig every time someone says “open” or “vulnerable.”  I will never play “Hey Cow.”  And I hope, for Ben’s sake, that when he makes his decision, he does the exact opposite.


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  1. Jan Brady

    Ok, so I might just not be in the know, because I don’t actually watch the show, but why would they yell “hey cow” to grazing horses? And ps. Just because i don’t actually watch the show doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate your posts. You are one funny b-word! (Bachelorette, of course!)

    1. Lindsay

      Hi Jan! Thanks for catching that – one of the girls likes horses, the other girl calls her “Horsey” – I’m still trying to catch up on sleep from the 22-hour movie marathon, insert alternate excuse here. And thanks for the compliment!

  2. Scott

    Today, when I was teaching my seventh grade class, I suddenly yelled, “Hey Cow!” and every student turned and looked at me. Umm… that says something about THEM, right? Or is it me?

    BTW, I thought it was pretty obvious Ben didn’t want to provoke Courtney when he “asked her hard questions.” She was more concerned about it than he. He backpedalled so hard I thought he’d pull a hamstring. Whatever she said was going to be fine with him. He was too anxious to give her his Fantasy Suite invite.

    Of course, I really don’t know.. I mean, I don’t actually WATCH, you know.

    1. Lindsay

      Thanks for reading, Scott. I know! He’s been blinded by Courtney since the beginning. Of course, you wouldn’t know that, because you don’t watch.


    I DO NOT LIKE COURTNEY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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