Category Archive: Observations

Feb 04

The Bachelor: The Bloom Is Off the Rose, Or, the Episode Wherein My Tolerance Level for This S–t Plummets

Molly the Dog.  Photo courtesy of ABC

Molly. Photo courtesy of ABC

As if last week’s Sean & Catherine’s “grown sexy” million dollar wedding (more like groan sexy) and the “Honeymoon Cam” Sex Countdown wasn’t enough, this week Bachelor producers decided, in the words of Juan Pablo, to “take it to the next level” and essentially slut shame a contestant.  While it was never explicit that Juan Pablo and one of his remaining 11 girlfriends did the deed, a huge deal was made about it, and the parties’ reactions make zero sense if it was just a game of grab ass.  Because of this, I’m replacing JP’s picture with a photo of Molly, contestant Kelly’s awesome dog.

Jan 13

The Bachelor, Ep. 2: Ay caramba! Can you say trainwreck?!?!?

Photo courtesy of ABC

Photo courtesy of ABC

I must start this recap by saying Molly the dog is my favorite contestant of all time.  I want to make “Molly for Bachelorette” signs and campaign on her behalf.  She’s the least annoying bitch on that show.

Dec 08

Someone at Dramamine Kids is Asleep at the Wheel

Dramamine for Kids product description

Last week, a colleague of mine was complaining that she couldn’t take her 2 1/2-year-old son on car trips to visit family because he’d get extremely carsick.  I could empathize, having been a motion-challenged child myself.  “Have you tried Dramamine?” I asked.  “No,” she replied.  “I don’t want to give my son any medication.”  “Oh.  So she’s one of THOSE moms,” I thought.  Good luck with that.  “I’m pretty sure they make a version for kids,” I said.  Wanting to prove I’m right, I pulled up the site on my computer and, sure enough, there’s a version for kids named, interestingly enough, “Dramamine for Kids.”

Oct 21

Unintentionally Humorous Cards: The Neglected Love Edition

Love Sorry Did it again

Love means never having to say “I’m sorry…for neglecting you.”  Did you catch the first sentence? “I did it again.” Like, this happens frequently, or at least enough to necessitate a trip to Hallmark for a love/apology hybrid card.  Oh, yes. There’s a card for that.  Run for the hills, I say!  (File this little gem under: between you & me…& my therapist.)

Oct 15

Potential OPI Nail Polish Colors Should the Government Shutdown Continue

Photo courtesy of Flickr user _Fidelio_ under a Creative Commons license.

We’re into Week 3 of Government Shutdown 2013, and things are getting rough, y’all.  Like, so rough, I’m submitting a list of potential OPI nail colors should this thing continue.

Photo courtesy of Flickr user _Fidelio_ under a Creative Commons license.

Here they are, in no particular order:

All Dressed Up and No Place to Furlough

This is Red-iculous!

Fiscal Cliff Fuchsia

My PAC or Yours?

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue State

Blame Game Blues

Tea Party Teal

Green Eggs and Farm Subsidies

Blink First Blanca

Aug 05

The Bachelorette Finale: Desiree Gets Her Fairytale Proposal – I Give It Four Months

Photo courtesy of ABC

To start the night off, Chris Harrison recapped the first half of the finale succinctly: “Desiree gave her heart completely to someone who didn’t love her back…Desiree was left…virtually hopeless.”  Nice setup, ABC.  Real nice.

We pick up where we left off last Monday – with Desiree crying in Antigua to a sad music soundtrack.  *cue the violins*  Des changes out of her heinous outfit into a maxi dress for the obligatory “where do we go from here?” chat with Chris Harrison.  Chris Harrison asks how she is and she says OK, but he calls bullshit and she dissolves into a puddle of tears on the porch, sobbing that she just wants to go home.

Jul 30

The Bachelorette Finale Part 1: Really? Is Part 2 Necessary?

Rip the Band-Aid, Brooks. JUST RIP THE BAND-AID!!!!!!!! Photo courtesy of ABC

“This journey has been amazing!”  Desiree gushes at the beginning of the episode.  So naturally it’s going to be a giant cluster-you-know-what.  In case you weren’t clued in to this fact, Chris Harrison called the episode we were able to witness “shocking,” “incredible,” and “dramatic.”  And you know Chris Harrison doesn’t use those words lightly.

Jul 24

The Bachelorette: The Men Tell Some Stuff, Avoid Others

Photo courtesy of ABC

It’s that time of the season again – where the rejects gather to “get closure” from the object of their affection after the world’s shortest love affair(s).  (Didn’t we just do this two months ago with Sean?)

Jul 15

The Bachelorette: It’s the Hometowns, People!

Photo courtesy of ABC

It’s the best week of the Bachelorette – hometowns!  You know, when the contestants’ embarrassing family members let their freak flags fly in front of all of America! Who can forget when Chantal took Brad (the second time he was the Bachelor) to the mortuary and made him play house on the embalming table?  Or when someone’s grandma wanted to know whether the Bachelor’s any good in the sack?  ABC wasted no time getting into it.

Jul 08

The Bachelorette: Lots of Picnics, Cloud Nine, and Riding the Love Roller Coaster

Rip the Band-Aid, Brooks. JUST RIP THE BAND-AID!!!!!!!! Photo courtesy of ABC.

Brooks in his Mr. Rogers cardigan. Photo courtesy of ABC.

The group wakes up on Madeira Island, Portugal, which according to them is, the “hidden pearl in the Atlantic.”  I desperately hope someone from the tourism bureau’s paying attention to the “Bachelorette,” because apparently the palm trees, island breezes, crystal blue waters and breathtaking rock formations don’t sell themselves.  Promotional consideration must be exchanged, I say!

This week, there will be three 1-on-1 dates, and one 2-on-1 date.  A rose will only be given out during the 2-on-1, and nobody goes home before the rose ceremony (unless they feel like it.)

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