Category Archive: Dating

Sep
20

Panda Express Knows Me Best.

Panda Express knows me best.

It’s like Panda Express knows me better than any guy I’ve ever dated.


Feb
13

Somehow I Don’t Think This Is What Brach’s Had In Mind…

Size is not actual.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Size is not actual. Big bummer.

I saw these Create-Your-Own Large Conversation Hearts when I was at the grocery store over the weekend and instantly knew I couldn’t pass it up.  It was to be my Valentine’s Day project. Darn things are way too small.  I couldn’t fit “I prefer chocolate over your penis any day of the week” on the “large” conversation hearts.  Looks like someone isn’t being truthful about size.


Jul
16

The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All (Except What They’re Contractually Obligated Not to Discuss)

Photo courtesy of ABC

We’re at that point in season 8 of Bachelorette where Chris Harrison finally asks the guys “what the hell was wrong with you when you called Ricki baggage” and “are you that douche-y in real life?”  (The answers are: I’m just bein’ me and yes, respectively.)

Here are a few of my initial observations:

Holy spray tan, Batman!  It looked like quite a few of the rejects took a detour to the “Dancing with the Stars” set and made liberal use of the unlimited spray tan facilities.

Jul
02

The Bachelorette: A Playhouse to Die For and the Return of the Bachelorette Drinking Game

It was a freakin’ love-fest on this week’s episode of “The Bachelorette.”  Emily loved all the families.  The families loved Emily.  Three of the four guys told Emily they loved her (Sean held out, but he sure does love kissing her!)  She loved Chicago.  She loved Jef’s ranch (yes, his family has a ranch).  And on.  And on.  And on.  For another two hours.  Oy.

Honestly, between last week’s snoozefest and this week, I propose bringing back the Bachelorette Drinking Game.  Next week, pour your beverage of choice, sit back, and take a drink as follows:

Jun
11

The Bachelorette: Emily Finally Drops the F-Bomb, Ricki is a Chloe Bag and Shakespeare Rolls Over in His Grave

Photo courtesy of ABC

It’s finally here!  ABC has teased the hell out of it, essentially showing the entire thing in promos, but it’s here!  We’ve arrived at the week when Bachelorette Emily finally drops the F-Bomb and kicks a guy off the show.

First things first:  If you’re a guy and you think the other guys are on the show to be your friend, you’re an idiot.  They may be on the show for many reasons (finding love, their 15 minutes of fame, etc.), but making friends ain’t one of ‘em.  This whole Fratty McFrat situation has got to end.

Feb
27

The Bachelor By the Numbers: Ben’s Head is “Very Confused.”

Yes, it’s true.  Ben’s head is very confused.  He even admitted as much four times during tonight’s episode.  That’s what happens when you think with the WRONG one.  But, alas, Ben seems destined for heartbreak again.  After last season’s disastrous proposal to Ashley, you’d think he’d have figured out that he should take his “decision” and do the exact opposite.

As Ben left for Switzerland, he said that he’d been all over the world on this magical journey, searching for love.  Um, not really Ben.  Sonoma, Utah and Puerto Rico do not a world traveler make.

Jan
08

Online Dating: Observations/What I’ve Learned (Part 2)

Mr. Perfect

It’s been awhile since I’ve written about online dating.  That’s because there’s nothing exciting to report.  But there’s always entertaining stuff on these sites.  Here are five observations/things I’ve learned this week:

Mr. Perfect

The title (with punctuation unchanged) “Single Jewish Man Living Alone!” is an actual heading. Like that’s a major selling point. Puh-leeze.

A man described himself as of “Easter-European descent” – so do they get chocolate bunnies over there or what?

I was matched by eHarmony with a sugarbeet farmer. Really, eHarmony? Is that all you’ve got?

Oct
02

Adventures in Online Dating

Bald illustration

So I was informed that 17 guys were interested in me. This was a great “shot-in-the-arm” until I clicked and saw…

Gerry “the Mullet” – verrryyyy short in front and a party in the back. A party I am not RSVP-ing to anytime soon.  Delete.

Frankly, I am getting tired of the Lionel Richie references in the headline of guys’ profiles –

Sep
26

A Real-Life Kiss-Off from “Mike the Magician”

WTF

I am not that into astrology, so imagine my surprise when I met this guy online who appeared normal but turned out to be WAYYY too into his psychic friends.  Let me explain.   “Mike” and I had hit if off electronically, exchanged some flirty e-mails, and were heading down the path to eventually meeting in person.  Apparently, my astrological sign was a deal breaker. 

Aug
16

The Wrong Chris, or, Why I Should Wait for the Guy to Call

OOPS

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