I think it’s a little disingenuous for Juan Pablo to say that his statements were taken out of context or misconstrued because English is his second language, especially since the word “pervert” translates to “pervertir” in his native tongue.
Category Archive: ABC
Here we are, at the precipice of Season 17. Get your Closed Captioning ready, folks. It’s gonna be a helluva ride. (or not, but more on that later.) Juan Pablo, or JP, as I’ll refer to him, has a lot of shirtless days (and nights!) in store for us. There will be some confusion about language, and pronunciation of the term “bachelor” will be three syllables. Oh, and we also can look forward to crying this season. Lots of crying.
Unfortunately for ABC, DWTS is turning into Make-a-Wish for Seniors.
For weeks, the network’s been touting all these new changes to the show that were revealed on Monday night, so I hope you all were ready for them! Here they are, in no particular order:
- You get 12 votes per phone line, per e-mail address, and Facebook account. That’s 36 votes, y’all. Oooooh.
- The show will only air one night a week. Ahhhh.
- Couples keep their numbers the whole season. Say it with me now. Ohhhhhh.
To start the night off, Chris Harrison recapped the first half of the finale succinctly: “Desiree gave her heart completely to someone who didn’t love her back…Desiree was left…virtually hopeless.” Nice setup, ABC. Real nice.
We pick up where we left off last Monday – with Desiree crying in Antigua to a sad music soundtrack. *cue the violins* Des changes out of her heinous outfit into a maxi dress for the obligatory “where do we go from here?” chat with Chris Harrison. Chris Harrison asks how she is and she says OK, but he calls bullshit and she dissolves into a puddle of tears on the porch, sobbing that she just wants to go home.
“This journey has been amazing!” Desiree gushes at the beginning of the episode. So naturally it’s going to be a giant cluster-you-know-what. In case you weren’t clued in to this fact, Chris Harrison called the episode we were able to witness “shocking,” “incredible,” and “dramatic.” And you know Chris Harrison doesn’t use those words lightly.
It’s that time of the season again – where the rejects gather to “get closure” from the object of their affection after the world’s shortest love affair(s). (Didn’t we just do this two months ago with Sean?)
It’s the best week of the Bachelorette – hometowns! You know, when the contestants’ embarrassing family members let their freak flags fly in front of all of America! Who can forget when Chantal took Brad (the second time he was the Bachelor) to the mortuary and made him play house on the embalming table? Or when someone’s grandma wanted to know whether the Bachelor’s any good in the sack? ABC wasted no time getting into it.
The group wakes up on Madeira Island, Portugal, which according to them is, the “hidden pearl in the Atlantic.” I desperately hope someone from the tourism bureau’s paying attention to the “Bachelorette,” because apparently the palm trees, island breezes, crystal blue waters and breathtaking rock formations don’t sell themselves. Promotional consideration must be exchanged, I say!
This week, there will be three 1-on-1 dates, and one 2-on-1 date. A rose will only be given out during the 2-on-1, and nobody goes home before the rose ceremony (unless they feel like it.)
The episode started with Des, sketchpad in hand, declaring that Barcelona is “so inspiring” and “the perfect place to fall in love.” (Kinda like Munich. And Thailand. And the Seychelles. And Paris. And Canada. And New Jersey, the list goes on and on.) Meanwhile, the hoodie brigade (seriously, between hoodies and v-neck short sleeve tees, that’s all they packed) enjoyed Cervezas at a tapas bar when Chris Harrison arrived with the date cards. There will be a group date and two 1-on-1 dates. At some point, the guys pinky swear that whomever gets the first 1-on-1 has to tell Des that James is campaigning HARD to be the next Bachelor. Drew’s the lucky winner, and he starts the date with zero intentions of telling her.